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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Strengthen your child's relationship Part 1

As parents, we are always on the lookout for a better way to raise our children. We can become consumed with a planned method that usually contains a set of rules that must be followed. These rules are clearly set before our children and we expect them to be followed. After all, it was the way we were raised and you followed them to a tee, right? Each household needs some guidance when it comes to raising children. It is also important that each parent establish the best relationship possible before setting out those rules. Achieving this goal starts at an early age. If you happened to miss that phase, it's still not too late. Perhaps you were raised in a different environment and may have a history of being treated with little understanding. Changes continue in our society. The ability to adapt to those changes and compromise with your child's needs are foremost in any good relationship. Here are six steps in creating a better relationship with your child that we found beneficial.


Step 1: Place yourself in your child's shoes. Try to guess what they are thinking or experiencing. You need an unbiased approach to deal with any issues your child may be facing. Never forget that you were once their age! Try to remember how times were. Recall feelings and thoughts that are related to your child today. Above all, place your child's needs and feelings above yours. This includes anger and frustration. Take a new approach. Begin by making sure you are calm enough to communicate with your child. Then relate to them in a casual manner. You might tell them, " I am really trying to understand you more and I could use your help. Can I talk to you about how I feel on this subject?"

Step 2: Keep an open mind on any answers you get. If their thoughts don't connect with yours, don't feel incompetent. And don't become overwhelmed. It is easier to give up or express your anger than it is to deal with a problem you may not understand. Again, remember that times have changed. Communication with your child is the key to a better relationship. You must remain calm and give yourself some time to react. Re think the problem by combining it with your thoughts and theirs. Make sure you allow enough time for the correct answer to become adsorbed in your mind. You can only understand your child by taking the time to do so. This means stepping back and assessing how your child feels about a subject or problem. This is your chance to guide them in a better direction by inserting your thoughts casually into the issue. Don't let your ideals and traditions get in the way. How can you integrate those feelings into a better understanding?

Step 3: Let the entire issue sink in slowly before taking any action. If you must make a comment that you are not in agreement with tell your child that you will have to think about it first. Think, think, think before you react. You want to share your wisdom because you have the experience. Can you do that in a way that will not turn them off? You know how much you hated hearing "when I was your age"! Children still hate to hear that. Consider phrasing it into, " When I had to face that problem, I remember what it was like. Here's what I learned from my experience...." Your knowledge is very important to developing a good relationship. It is also a very healthy part of their development. The message may not get through at this point and time, however, it will at some point and time.

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