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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Marital Boredom

Don't you find that people can fall out over some of the stupidest things in life? Common marriage problems can be just the same, if only couples could step back and see their marriage problems from the outside they would often realise that they really don't have a serious problem at all.

One common marriage problem that regularly pops up is 'I'm bored'. OK, so you're bored does that mean you should jump ship or take positive action? So you want to jump ship? Why? What's making you bored? Why are you bored now and not at the start? It's common for people to get cold feet after a while, especially when the honeymoon period is over and you have to get on with living but do you honestly want to spend your life running from marriage problems, continually chasing the next honeymoon period which will come to an end just like the last one?

There are very few common marriage problems that, with a little effort, can't be fixed and boredom is no different. Separation isn't the only, nor often the best answer to marital boredom. Quite often boredom isn't about the marriage it's about you!

If only Jen and Brad were here and it's free! -
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People are different and opposites attract so it's common for couples to have different desires and aspirations but running isn't generally the answer. How many people do you see jumping from one job to another and one marriage to another without ever achieving what they set out to achieve. Boredom is a common problem, not just in marriage but in life generally. Marriage problems, work problems, it doesn't matter if you don't know what you are looking for you'll never achieve it.

Boredom can't be resolved by running, searching for something you never find and probably doesn't actually exist. If you want a life that isn't boring then you need to understand what you want and work towards achieving it. Is it really the marriage that's the problem? It's common for boredom to be driven from the way you perceive your marriage and treat your marriage not from what your marriage actually is. Most of us can achieve our goal's married or unmarried, if you really love your partner but also want to change your life you'll find a way to achieve your dreams without throwing away your love.

Marriage is a partnership that needs to be worked at, it's not always easy but then if it was wouldn't life be boring!! Boredom is like all common marriage problems, you can take what seems to be the easy way out, which many people live to regret, or you can take the positive, proactive, more fulfilling approach to marriage problems and end up with a marriage that truly is like the joining of two halves.

Boredom is a state of mind and how you resolve it is down to you but before ripping your marriage apart I urge you to consider what you decide to do next very carefully. Marriage shouldn't be seen as a chain around your neck. Like many common marriage problems marriage is seen as the catalyst for boredom without really considering the driving cause. Marriage doesn't need to be boring, your marriage doesn't need to be boring but whether or not you heed my advice and take a positive approach to your marriage problems is down to you.

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suZen said...

Thought provoking, interesting post! I'm always floored at the number of people who say they are bored, whether in a relationship or singly. It seems to me they are passively waiting around for life to happen to them rather than getting engaged with life and the banquet it offers. If they could just stop with the self-indulgence and see the unlimited opportunities life has to offer --- geez, sorry, but I want to fire them up! (Hence, the title of my blog.)

In relationships its the same thing - depending on someone else to fill the void you have inside, and what a cop out to blame the other guy, eh? I've known couples to break up over "boredom" only to find that they are just as bored alone.

You've been writing a lot about the work involved in relationiships - and you are so right, it IS work. I've been married 30 years and it didn't happen without communication, compassion and effort.

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Anonymous said...

Very Interesting!
Thank You!