A Romantic Conversation at the Park - Abbey's Park (Part 2)

Somewhere through the birds chirping, the winds whispering through the perfect morning, or the winding flowing water brooks, I heard my son called out to her name...Abbey!

My son kept calling out that name Abbey..Abbey wait up! She turned around, gave my boy a smirky cute smile and vanished in a moment's blink but only to appear again by the swings. My son seemed to be having the time of his life and they looked like a pair of butterlies flying around without a care in the world. The innocence and joy of childhood radiates over this picture perfect day. These are moments that I cherish as I remember in my own past that I too had an Abbey in my life. A friend that was willing to give up her own favorite last piece of chocolate chip cookie.

A motherly voice suddenly called out from a distance. It appeared that it was time for Abbey to go home but she seemed reluctant and kept on pleading to stay longer by the sandbox. Her mother approached and she gently but graciously told her little jewel, "you have 10 more minutes and then it's time to go." The little girl nodded with a smile followed by a big thank you hug to her mother. Her mother had a well-to-do distinguished look to her demeanor. She was a tall slender lady with the same smile as her daughter. 10 minutes quickly passed and her mother reminded Abbey that it's time. At this moment, she noticed that my son's face has made a sad turn as well. The mother turned to me and said, you must be daddy, would you like to take your son and stop by our home for a cup of tea or hot chocolate? My husband is home doing some yardwork. I really didn't want to impose and felt a little awkward being strangers to them but before I could say anything, my son jumped up from the sandbox and said..YES YES..I love hot chocolate. Can we daddy...pleaseeee! and I couldn't say no after that display of enthusiasm but truthfully I couldn't resist a good cup of hot chocolate as well.

Another short peaceful strolled, we arrived at her home. The dad was out in the front yard fixing the swing by the great big tree on their front porch. We quickly greeted one another and exchange plesantry hand shakes. Her mom invited all of us in and we sat down for a cup of hot chocolate. We both took a sip from our creamy chocolates with whip cream on top almost as synchronized as father and son can be. Suddenly we heard giggles between the mother and daughter and we were a little puzzled by their amusement. The mother handed me a napkin and proceed to help my son wipe off the hot chocalate whip cream mustache he had all over his mouth. We both looked at each other with innocent silliness and laughed the moment off.

After sipping our favorite drinks, the parents invited us to a quick tour around the house. It is a beautiful house decorated with colonial antiques of all sorts. I started noticing some of the family pictures they had out on top of the fireplace. I noticed there was a picture in particular that there were two little girls of similar age. I asked the mother is this your daughter too?..She had a slight pause in her tone and said yes...that's Abbey. I didn't notice the mother's pause at first and told my son to come over to see the picture. My son saw the picture and said, yeah that's Abbey. At this moment, the little girl whom my son was playing in the sandbox said with a smile, yea..that's my twin sister Abbey. I turned to the mother a little bit embarassed having called the little girl the wrong name all this time thinking she is Abbey.

The mother was very gracious and told me her little girl that my boy was playing in the sandbox is named Abigail or Abi for short. Abbey on the other hand was her twin sister. I then told the mother that my son perhaps had played with Abbey before in the park and that he named the park Abbey's park. My son was obviously very fond of Abbey but somehow about six months ago, she stopped going to the park until today he saw Abi thinking she was her sister Abbey. At that moment, I noticed that the mother was trying hard to hold back a little tear and then she said, "We lost Abbey to a rare form of cancer about 3 months ago. Today was the first time her twin sister Abigail was willing to go out to their favorite place to play!" The favorite place she was talking about is what my son calls "Abbey's park."

My son later went home and asked me, daddy...where is Abbey? I told him, think of the time you played with her in the park and remember her in your heart and that's where Abbey is.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Well.....Some parts of this story are simply imagination or fictional but I did want to explore the question of death. Death is going to be an eventual question that our children will ask us someday especially when there are deaths in the family or even having their first pet die. What WOULD we say or tell them?

Just last year, one of our family members was lost to illness. He is not close to my little boy and that's only because of distance and he's been too ill to spend time with him. He had a rare form of Alzheimer's disease that robed him for the better part of the last five years. His condition slowly eroded and eventually that fateful day came and gone. My wife flew half way across the country to attend the funeral. Had we lived closer to one another and if he didn't have Alzheimer's disease, I know my son would love him. He would have called him Ohio Grandpa. To end this story, my son did meet two girls at the park named Abbey and there was a death. The death happened twenty something years ago to one of my best childhood friend. I remember as we buried him in the cemetary park that beautiful fragrant blooming day, another little girl fighting back her tears, and a classmates of ours said these words to him as we laid him to rest.
"You will always be in my heart."

A romantic conversation at the park (Part 1)

It is toward late spring, and summer seems to be on the horizon. The clouds and rain of the night before had been replaced with sun and gentle winds. The weather was perfect today. The sky is clear, the gentle breeze brushes against the blooming hills of scented spring flowers.
The birds are chirping, and the squirels are running around hording up a cheek full of treasure nuts. It is a perfect day to say the least. This very perfect morning, I took my son for a morning stroll around the neighborhood and eventually to his favorite close by sanctuary, the playground. He named this place Abbey's playground. We took our bikes out, put on our helmets and off we go riding under the perfect sun with a ray of smile all over my son's face. This was going to be the perfect day.

As we arrived at the park, the parking lot was full of cars of all kinds. Lovers in red sport BMW's, mothers in suburbans Odyssey Vans, and fathers with their Ford trucks were all out in full force today. We parked our bikes and hiked for another 15 minutes to reach my son's favorite playground. The 15 minute trail begins on an old road and climbs through a mixed forest of hemlock, maple and alders. It crosses a sturdy bridge over a small stream and, as the trail climbs, the roar of everyday busy traffic fades. A tree gracefully arched over the trail. Several well-signed trail junctions are encountered along the way.

The 15 minutes hike ended quickly and we arrived at the park in which my son named it as Abbey's park. To our surprise, the playground was relatively empty. I would watch my son, run from swing to swing, down the slides he goes and in to the sandbox. After the sandbox comed the giant maze of tree house where he could ring all the bells and whistles or simply hung on the giant tree like trunks like tarzan hooting and howlering like the original wild character himself.

An hour quickly passed and the playground is still relatively empty. My son was still playing by himself and seemed to be loosing some interest after running up and down or perhaps just had a little bit fatigue. My son decided to take a break at the sandbox again. He began digging up sand, filling it in to his beach bucket and trying to build a sand castle. I decided to sneak away for a brief moment to the water fountain nearby. When I came back, I saw an adorable little blue eye blonde girl playing in the sandbox with my son. She had a smile that would light up even a funeral service. She looked like a little angel and my son seemed to be very taken by her giggles. The two were having a great time playing in the sandbox building a little sand castle.

I quickly sneaked back to a big tree close to the sandbox hoping to listen in to their conversation. The little girl made the first move and uttered the sweetest few words an innocent little girl could say to a boy, "ur..hmm...Can I play with you?" And my son being a bit shy only had one respond by turning his head downward. He didn't say a word but only nodded his head in agreement. From the sandbox they soon ran off to the swings together and off they went chasing one another in play and in fun. Whoosh down from the slides and laughing at the top of their lungs as they swang from tree trunks.

Somewhere through the birds chirping, the winds whispering through the perfect morning, or the winding flowing water brooks, I heard my son called out to her name...Abbey!



(The story continues....)

The Day that True Love Died

I recently came across a movie scene that I could not take my heart or soul out of it. I find myself wanting to watch it over and over again in search for a hope to numb my senses. Cold and snowy imageries fill this 33 minutes length story on screen. A father plays with his son in the snow filled cover fields as they converse in smiles and laughthers. Ultimately this is a story about of a father's decision. The film is called "Most" which means bridge in Czech. A simple but beautiful and profound story, MOST quietly stuns my heart. Indeed, this 2003, short film earned an Academy award nomination for best short film and went on to win top prizes at three other film festival. Watch the clip below and let the music inspire you and let the scenes transforms you...

The film depicts a father and son loving each other very much. Stargazing or enjoying tea together, the two are nearly inseparable until...

MOST also lets the viewer see the depravity of some of the train passengers. And, it also depicts new life and new hope to one of the train's most desperate passengers. This beautiful and poignant piece of work evokes questions that no one wants to answer or make because it reaches the very core of a human's heart. As I watched this film, I couldn't help projecting myself in the father's role of enjoying the many moments with my own son and perhaps that's why I try very hard to numb myself.

Search your heart with the extended scene below in it's original sound and ask yourself what would your decision be if you were the father. Observe carefully the faces of the passengers and I can honestly tell you that I will do the exact opposite of what this father did in this scene and I believe that's why I am a fallen being.


What would you do? Would you pull the lever?

Happy Rain Drops - (1000 excuses to sleep with you part II)

It's been only two months since our last trip back home to Asia and our son is still sleeping with us almost every night. It's almost methodical like an alarm clock going off at 2.00am and 5.00am that our son would just sleep-walk wonder in to our bed at those times. I try staying up from time to time to take him back to his own room and only to find that he is in our bed again in the morning. He is a very determined child. I suppose many things that happened to him the last few months may have contributed to him feeling a little bit insecure. Since we moved after we traveled back home, he is once again in a new living environment, which comes with a brand new room, new friends in the neighborhood and a new bat-man bike.

On the other hand, he also lost a few childhood friends whom he grew up with and found out just weeks back that his grandfather is sick.
Perhaps that is quite a bit of stress for an 4.5 year old boy who also begins noticing the difference in his own skin color everytime when he goes to the park and play. He was recently called "that little Chinese boy" by an adorable little blond at the park. --> (Stay tuned for Next post)

It has been a tough few weeks since he learned one of his best friends was moving away to California. At first he didn't really know what that meant or even how far his best friend was moving. He would ask us to just drop him off in California when we headed out to work in the morning. He knew it was further away but not realizing it was about 1700 miles away. He found out later on when he was studying maps with Mommy just how far California is, and to him anywhere that needs flying in order to get to is considered very far. He now no longer wants us to drop him at his friend’s place but has switched to "Daddy, can you find a job in California so that we can move to California...please pleaseeee….”

Finally, Mommy found a great way to smooth his transition through these “traumatic” childhood times by re-channeling his longing with simply pen and paper. Mommy told him if he misses someone, he should write to them. Our little boy finally found the motivation to really put his pencils to work, and when asked what he wanted to write to his friend, without blinking, he quickly said, "I love you," with which Mommy’s response was “errr…..” and a smile (he is writing to another little boy). After a brief awkward moment, Mommy swiftly asked, “you mean ‘I MISS you’ right?” Considering the trend of the educational philosophy in California being so free-minded, it may be good to stick with "I miss you" to avoid future complications. Nonetheless, this is the innocence of a 4.5 old which in nowadays is a real blessing.

Following the lost of his precious friends, our little son found out that his grandpa is sick whom he had grown very close to during his Asia trip. He was diagnosed with cancer. They found tumors in his brain and his chest area. Being a 4.5 year old, he didn't know what that is and didn't really comprehend the severity of it until we told him that grandpa needs to be hospitalized and have surgery. He knew what that means since he's been through it himself just a short eight months ago. He remember all the needle poking, being strapped down to the hospital beds, IV's needles all over his body, around the clock blood work and etc. He would ask us, “is grandpa going to get poked?” And we had to answer him yes. “Where is grandpa sick?” We had to tell him that grandpa has tumor or little rocks in his head that the doctor would need to operate and take it out. His immediate response is “that would hurt grandpa!” and his face would turn from smiles to frown as if he remembers his own ordeal. On the night of the operation, as family we couldn't do much but to pray for the procedure to go well since we are half way around the world apart. As we knelt down by our bedside to pray, our little boy saw us and he approached us and asked, “can I pray too Daddy Mommy?” We told him, “of course son,” and he knelt down between and uttered words that instantly brought tears in our eyes. Here is what he said,

“Dear God, please don't make grandpa hurt. Please make him feel better soon so I can play with him. Please comfort grandma. Please don't make her sad. Please give her peace. In Jesus’ name Amen.”

My son has been reluctant when it comes to praying most of the times, and he often rushes through his prayer with gibberish mumbles. But this was one of the few times he uttered each word clearly and sincerely. He understood that grandpa was hurting and this little guy wanted his grandpa to not experience what he had experience just a short few months back. We were so proud of him and got tears in our eyes. He later turned to mommy and said "Mommy your rain drops are on me…" My son calls tear drops “rain drops.”

We went to sleep very late that night since we were staying up late to wait for the phone call from abroad regarding the result of the operation. Mommy was wandering down the hall and stumbled upon our little boy's room and she found our little boy in bed holding on to a picture frame of grandma and grandpa which was originally put right next to his bed. I immediately issued a flash flood warning……..

1000 EXCuses to SLEEP with you

It's 10.30pm at night and the rumblings have begun in our bedrooms. Almost everynight, we go through the same routine since we took our 2.5 months vacation in Asia. We enjoyed paradise, quietness, tranquility, fun and traveling adventure. We slept and ate like pigs. I already miss those days. Settling back to normacy after such a long vacation is always challenging especially for a four-year-old imaginative young boy since he expects nowdays to mirror the 2.5 month vacation days.

Our battle usually begins like this:

"Time for bed YOUNG man! mommy and daddy need to sleep soon and you need to be on your bed with your eyes close."

Son: I want to play
Dad: It's late and it's dark outside.
Mom: We have a lot of things to do tomorrow and you need to get up early so go to sleep.
Son: ok mom and dad. (After 10 mins Son walks in to our room)
Son: Can you please turn on the CD for me?
Dad: Ok, I will be there son.
Son: (After another 5 minutes or so, he walks in to the room again) Dad, can you turn on the fan for me please.
Dad: Hmmm...OK son..get back to BED!
Son: (Walks in again in to our room after several minutes) Mom would you help me change to a different CD?
Mom: Ok son..mom will be there
Dad: This is it son, you need to sleep now!

After about another 10 minutes or so, mom and dad hear a little sobbing in little son's room. What's going on son?

Son: Daddy, can you read me a book please?
Dad: It's LATE! and you need to sleep soon..but still gives in and reads him a book.

Son seems to be happy now and is almost asleep. Dad leaves room to go back to his room. Ten minutes later the "miniature dad torturer" follows right behind and says, "Dad! It's too dark outside, can you make it brighter?" "Son! it's night time! and you need to go back to your room and sleep."

Son: But dad, I am scared!
Dad: All your friends are asleep now and you need to be too as well.
Son: O...K....(Finally agrees reluctantly after mommy tucks him in)

At 2.30am, our little boy walks in to our room once again and sleeps with us through the morning. I have to say this has been happening every night since we got back from our vacation. One morning, I decided to have a more serious Daddy and little son talk about his recent behavior of not wanting to sleep alone and coming over to sleep with us every night.

Dad: Son, you have your own room and you need to sleep in your own room at night. Only babies still sleep with mom and dads, Are you still a baby? Do you want daddy to put diapers on you?

Son: No. I am not a BABY. I am a boy but I like sleeping with you all.

Dad: You need to sleep earlier and sleep in your own bed son. All your friends sleep earlier than you and in their own room.

Son: Dad, I am scared, it's too dark outside, I am not tall enough to change the CD's in the CD player, my room smells funny, My room is hot (It's 32 degress outside and we keep our rooms at 64 degrees), Elmo is looking at me funny, I didn't brush my teeth, my pillow is too big for my head, my butt itches and my bed it too big..and my......... (on and on he goes)

Dad: Son, you are growing up and you need to learn to sleep in your own room.

Son: When we were in Malaysia and Hong Kong, we all slept together dad...WHY?

Dad: Because we were on vacation!

Son: What is vacation?

Dad: SON...enough...you need to try to sleep in your own room.

Son: Can we go back to vacation?

This is a conversation that my little son is determined not to end it by keeping up with more questions.

Go Home

Do you know what an ABC is?

Parents by nature tend to be very competitive when it comes their children, and this is especially true in the Chinese culture. We recently spent two and half months in Asia visiting with our families. We split time between tropical paradise where rats are bigger than cats (if you have read the last post, you will know what I mean) and a mega metropolis where the politicians are known to be the rats. In case you wonder why I am mentioning rats in such frequencies, well it’s because this is the year of the rat in the Chinese zodiac calendar.
My son is classified as an ABC which stands for American Born Chinese. He is also the first grandson on both sides of our family. Since he is male, his status is even more elevated in the traditional Chinese family. Naturally our little son received the royal red carpet treatment. His grandparents are practically slaves to him. I have to say that these few months abroad, he was indeed spoiled.
(There is a starlet in this upcoming movie hit who relates to the story below. She is half ABC)

He won’t pick up after himself after meals, and his attention span is almost non-existent. Before the trip, he was able to spend at least 30 minutes focus on lessons that mommy had assigned. Right now, it will be lucky if it’s 3 minutes. I blame this on the glitters, lights and never ending commercial bounded cities of Asia. He is four now and in about 6 months, he will turn 5 which mean it’s time for school. The concern is that next time when we fly back to Asia, we are afraid his grandparents can’t brag about how good he is in school, how many different musical instruments he can play, how talented he is and etc since he won’t even concentrate for more than 3 minutes nowadays.
ABC’s are known to be very distinguished and almost a renaissance group. They are multi-talented in academics, arts and sometimes even sports especially during the recent decades. The last twenty years have produced the likes of Michelle Kwan the Olympic Figure skater, Michael Chang the tennis player, Jerry Yang of Yahoo, Labor Secretary Elaine Chao, and the list goes on. These are just some individuals who are famous and have achieved greatness here in the United States. There are also another group of ABC who went back to Asia and has gone on to have successful careers and among them singer song writer, actor Alexander Wang Lee Hom. He was born and grew up in New York. He was 18 when he made a trip back to Taiwan to visit his grandparents. While in Taiwan, he recorded a song and the rest was history. Along with good looks, he is also multi-talented with ability to write, sings, danced and able to play up to ten different types of musical instruments. (Watch Him below)

He is exactly the type of standard that a lot of Asian moms would want their son grow up to be and FOR GOODNESS’ sake, WHO wouldn’t??? Heck! I want to be like him too.Our son’s grandparents are no exception to these exuberant expectations. They want there grandson to grow up to be super humans so that they can of course brag about them. While we were in Asia, we already saw a glimpse of this show and tell. Grannies would opportunistically and shamelessly parade there grandson to meet there friends follow by a methodically casual intro of this is my grandson who just came back from America. He is only 4 but can speak English, Cantonese and Mandarin.
The expectations are guaranteed to grow by leaps and bounds as our little boy grows older. We contemplated deeply on our 16 hour flight home from Asia. From tropical paradise to metropolis and back to the land where our son is born, these expectations are lofty but achievable if we are willing to sacrifice here and there. The next question would be… is it worth the sacrifice?

Tune in next time.