In a Wilson moment....

Clinging on to the thoughts of my wife and son, I quickly ran downstairs with my travel bag and in to the garage. I hopped right in to my little convertible BMW Z3 and pull in 100 MPH on the black tar with the tires peeling of the road. Exactly ten minutes later I was at the airport. I quickly park the car in perfect position in the airport garage as if a scene from any 007 movie when the character was in hot pursuit. Normally it's a comfortable twenty minutes drive.

It's definetely Monday morning and the airport terminal was packed with people dressed in business attires and families laughing going on vacations. I moved ahead with determination and went straight to the crowded American Airline International counter. I had never been so impulsive in my life. A very nice young attractive lady with her eyes to match her distinguish blue uniform greeted me with a smile at the counter. I told her I need to be on the next flight out to Hong Kong. She told me to wait a minute while she worked her magic on the keyboard. In a quick moment, she called out my name and seemed to have found the perfect arrangment for me. Her smile was equally as eager as my racing heart, excited by the prospect of flying across the pacific to embrace my love ones. I knew with her confident smile this was the right decision to make and without hearing the price, I gave her my American Express.

Suddenly, a loud noise came about. It's like a fire alarm and someone began speaking on the PA system announcing something I coudn't quite make out what it is. It's all a bit hazy and blurry. I tried to gather myself but couldn't really focus. I slowly began to be able to hear clearly what the annoucer was saying. He was annoucing today's weather and the fire alarm was not a terrorist attack but rather my alarm clock next to my bed trying to wake me up from my dream. It's a good thing it was just a dream because an impulsive trip like that would have cost me an arm and a leg. I would need American Express Platinum Plum card just to get the American Airline Attendant to smile back at me if I were to make such a purchase which I do not have.

I realize the dream was over and it's time to get up. Today is the 15th day of being alone at home. I have already made it half way and just another 13 days they will be back. As I was driving in my old Maxima (instead of the BMW in my dream), I recalled flipping through the channels last night and came across the movie "Cast Away". The theme song echoed throughout my mind. I recalled telling my wife the same thing everytime when I go on business trips, "I will be right back" and recalled the time when I was alone in hotel rooms surfing my flickr album just so I could feel that they are close to me. There was a great scene in the movie where Tom Hanks tried to find a source to keep on breathing.While he was on a deserted island, he turned on and off to conserve what little battery life is left in his flashlight in order to see a picture inside a pocket watch given to him by his love. The contrast was later brought on in the film again when he spent the first night in his hotel room after coming back where he laid next to the side of bed and did the same, flashing on and off still overlooking the picture of his love one.

How short life can be if we allow it to just drift by like the currents of the ocean. They are gone for 28 days and yet I have lived the first 15 days longing that it's the 28th day. I am just glad that there will be a 28th day for us but for the tragedies that had happenned in Myammar and China, that separation will last much longer than just 28 days.

For those who can afford to help the victims of the recent tragedies in Myammar and China, please click on the links below and find out how you can help.

1) Myammar Cyclone Relief

2) China EarthQuake Relief

The tree at the edge of Heaven

It was another trip to the airport and this time instead of myself flying off, it's our little boy along with his mommy. It's the first time for mommy taking our little almost five years old very energetic boy across the pacific to visit his gramps by themselves. The flight time alone is almost 19 hours long with the first stop in Narita, Japan then after a 3 hours lay-over their journey continues on a different flight for another 4 hours before they arrived in Hong kong. The first leg of the trip will take up to fourteen hours and Mommy is stuck with a very easily bored little boy. She had anxieties just thinking about this first fourteen hours. They will be stuck in tight quarters and she would have to come up with things to distract or entertain this little guy. Mommy was quite creative and directed me to wake up very early the day of the flight. I was in charge of getting our little boy tired so that he would be willing to sleep on the plane. On the day of the flight, I woke up at 5.30am and proceeded to wake our little boy up. It's 5.45am, our little boy still have not gotten up but nervous mommy sure did. Finally, I had to enticed him with yummy breakfast buritos at the local breakfast diner in order to get him to open his first eye. The second eye finally open when I mentioned hash browns and by the time I mentioned Chocolate Milk, he was already dress all by himself. After breakfast, we went to the park and play a little catch foorball. I play both quarterback and cornerback while he was the wide receiver. I threw him the ball then chased him down and tackle him.....He loves it! After several throws and tackles, he looked tired and I was almost dead! We went home to a shower and then we were off to the airport to catch the noon flight out.

Mommy had to make this trip because Grandpa was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. Fortunately the cancer was detected at a very early stage. He is expected to make a full recovery but couldn't escaped the rigors of a new form of Chemo Therapy. Mommy wanted to bring the eating machine little boy to Hong Kong to serve as comfort therapy. She wanted to cheer grandpa on during this month of daily chemo therapy treatments. Mommy even bought matching caps for the hairless grandpa and grandson.

Upon returning home, I found myself wondering around the empty hallways and rooms in our house. I went down to the kitchen to fix myself lunch and found a new kind of freedom I didn't have. I was able to eat anything I want. No one there to tell me this is not good for you or no one there to eat my food outright! I was all alone and loving it. For the first time in our seven-year marriage I was single again. I was by myself. The first day of being single quickly ended as the night fell. I was out like a zombie since I had to wake up so early and play tag football with my little boy.

I woke up the next day, ate my self-made breakfast and went to work. Normally, I would have a few phone calls throughout the day from either from my wife or my mischievous little son who loves to prank call daddy. I didn't get any phone calls and soon it was time to go home again. I got home and the hall ways were still empty. I didn't hear the clamoring voice of my son playing with the neighborhood kids or my wife asking me to do something. It was just me. Alone.

I haven't been single for more than seven years. I suddenly find myself with TIME. When I go home, I have to ask myself, what am i going to do....

In these moments of quiet time as I wondered through the noiseless hall ways of our home, I remembered reading to the little guy several months ago and it was the book titled the Giving Tree. The tree and the boy became best friends. The tree always provided the boy with what he wanted: branches to swing from, shade to sit under, apples to snack on, branches to build a house. As the boy grew older and older he required more and more of the tree. The tree loved the boy very much and gave him anything he asked for. In the ultimate act of self-sacrifice, the tree let the boy cut her down so the boy could build a boat in which he could sail across the vast sea. The boy left the tree, now a stump. Many years later, the boy, now an old man, returned and the tree said "I have nothing left to give you". The boy replied that all he needed was a quiet place to sit and rest as he awaited the inevitable. The tree happily obliged.

Tears fall in our lives like leaves from a tree. There are seasons of joy and seasons of solitude to come. Although it is temporary at this moment since they will be back in a month, it is bound that one day we too shall give it our all. The tree is at the edge of heaven overlooking the distant plain hoping it will grow wings like angels or hoping it won't step a foot further and falls off heaven.

Gee...am I sad or what?? I better go to the airport and buy myself a ticket now! Man!!..being single is tougher than I thought.

A Romantic Conversation at the Park - Abbey's Park (Part 2)

Somewhere through the birds chirping, the winds whispering through the perfect morning, or the winding flowing water brooks, I heard my son called out to her name...Abbey!

My son kept calling out that name Abbey..Abbey wait up! She turned around, gave my boy a smirky cute smile and vanished in a moment's blink but only to appear again by the swings. My son seemed to be having the time of his life and they looked like a pair of butterlies flying around without a care in the world. The innocence and joy of childhood radiates over this picture perfect day. These are moments that I cherish as I remember in my own past that I too had an Abbey in my life. A friend that was willing to give up her own favorite last piece of chocolate chip cookie.

A motherly voice suddenly called out from a distance. It appeared that it was time for Abbey to go home but she seemed reluctant and kept on pleading to stay longer by the sandbox. Her mother approached and she gently but graciously told her little jewel, "you have 10 more minutes and then it's time to go." The little girl nodded with a smile followed by a big thank you hug to her mother. Her mother had a well-to-do distinguished look to her demeanor. She was a tall slender lady with the same smile as her daughter. 10 minutes quickly passed and her mother reminded Abbey that it's time. At this moment, she noticed that my son's face has made a sad turn as well. The mother turned to me and said, you must be daddy, would you like to take your son and stop by our home for a cup of tea or hot chocolate? My husband is home doing some yardwork. I really didn't want to impose and felt a little awkward being strangers to them but before I could say anything, my son jumped up from the sandbox and said..YES YES..I love hot chocolate. Can we daddy...pleaseeee! and I couldn't say no after that display of enthusiasm but truthfully I couldn't resist a good cup of hot chocolate as well.

Another short peaceful strolled, we arrived at her home. The dad was out in the front yard fixing the swing by the great big tree on their front porch. We quickly greeted one another and exchange plesantry hand shakes. Her mom invited all of us in and we sat down for a cup of hot chocolate. We both took a sip from our creamy chocolates with whip cream on top almost as synchronized as father and son can be. Suddenly we heard giggles between the mother and daughter and we were a little puzzled by their amusement. The mother handed me a napkin and proceed to help my son wipe off the hot chocalate whip cream mustache he had all over his mouth. We both looked at each other with innocent silliness and laughed the moment off.

After sipping our favorite drinks, the parents invited us to a quick tour around the house. It is a beautiful house decorated with colonial antiques of all sorts. I started noticing some of the family pictures they had out on top of the fireplace. I noticed there was a picture in particular that there were two little girls of similar age. I asked the mother is this your daughter too?..She had a slight pause in her tone and said yes...that's Abbey. I didn't notice the mother's pause at first and told my son to come over to see the picture. My son saw the picture and said, yeah that's Abbey. At this moment, the little girl whom my son was playing in the sandbox said with a smile, yea..that's my twin sister Abbey. I turned to the mother a little bit embarassed having called the little girl the wrong name all this time thinking she is Abbey.

The mother was very gracious and told me her little girl that my boy was playing in the sandbox is named Abigail or Abi for short. Abbey on the other hand was her twin sister. I then told the mother that my son perhaps had played with Abbey before in the park and that he named the park Abbey's park. My son was obviously very fond of Abbey but somehow about six months ago, she stopped going to the park until today he saw Abi thinking she was her sister Abbey. At that moment, I noticed that the mother was trying hard to hold back a little tear and then she said, "We lost Abbey to a rare form of cancer about 3 months ago. Today was the first time her twin sister Abigail was willing to go out to their favorite place to play!" The favorite place she was talking about is what my son calls "Abbey's park."

My son later went home and asked me, daddy...where is Abbey? I told him, think of the time you played with her in the park and remember her in your heart and that's where Abbey is.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Well.....Some parts of this story are simply imagination or fictional but I did want to explore the question of death. Death is going to be an eventual question that our children will ask us someday especially when there are deaths in the family or even having their first pet die. What WOULD we say or tell them?

Just last year, one of our family members was lost to illness. He is not close to my little boy and that's only because of distance and he's been too ill to spend time with him. He had a rare form of Alzheimer's disease that robed him for the better part of the last five years. His condition slowly eroded and eventually that fateful day came and gone. My wife flew half way across the country to attend the funeral. Had we lived closer to one another and if he didn't have Alzheimer's disease, I know my son would love him. He would have called him Ohio Grandpa. To end this story, my son did meet two girls at the park named Abbey and there was a death. The death happened twenty something years ago to one of my best childhood friend. I remember as we buried him in the cemetary park that beautiful fragrant blooming day, another little girl fighting back her tears, and a classmates of ours said these words to him as we laid him to rest.
"You will always be in my heart."

A romantic conversation at the park (Part 1)

It is toward late spring, and summer seems to be on the horizon. The clouds and rain of the night before had been replaced with sun and gentle winds. The weather was perfect today. The sky is clear, the gentle breeze brushes against the blooming hills of scented spring flowers.
The birds are chirping, and the squirels are running around hording up a cheek full of treasure nuts. It is a perfect day to say the least. This very perfect morning, I took my son for a morning stroll around the neighborhood and eventually to his favorite close by sanctuary, the playground. He named this place Abbey's playground. We took our bikes out, put on our helmets and off we go riding under the perfect sun with a ray of smile all over my son's face. This was going to be the perfect day.

As we arrived at the park, the parking lot was full of cars of all kinds. Lovers in red sport BMW's, mothers in suburbans Odyssey Vans, and fathers with their Ford trucks were all out in full force today. We parked our bikes and hiked for another 15 minutes to reach my son's favorite playground. The 15 minute trail begins on an old road and climbs through a mixed forest of hemlock, maple and alders. It crosses a sturdy bridge over a small stream and, as the trail climbs, the roar of everyday busy traffic fades. A tree gracefully arched over the trail. Several well-signed trail junctions are encountered along the way.

The 15 minutes hike ended quickly and we arrived at the park in which my son named it as Abbey's park. To our surprise, the playground was relatively empty. I would watch my son, run from swing to swing, down the slides he goes and in to the sandbox. After the sandbox comed the giant maze of tree house where he could ring all the bells and whistles or simply hung on the giant tree like trunks like tarzan hooting and howlering like the original wild character himself.

An hour quickly passed and the playground is still relatively empty. My son was still playing by himself and seemed to be loosing some interest after running up and down or perhaps just had a little bit fatigue. My son decided to take a break at the sandbox again. He began digging up sand, filling it in to his beach bucket and trying to build a sand castle. I decided to sneak away for a brief moment to the water fountain nearby. When I came back, I saw an adorable little blue eye blonde girl playing in the sandbox with my son. She had a smile that would light up even a funeral service. She looked like a little angel and my son seemed to be very taken by her giggles. The two were having a great time playing in the sandbox building a little sand castle.

I quickly sneaked back to a big tree close to the sandbox hoping to listen in to their conversation. The little girl made the first move and uttered the sweetest few words an innocent little girl could say to a boy, "ur..hmm...Can I play with you?" And my son being a bit shy only had one respond by turning his head downward. He didn't say a word but only nodded his head in agreement. From the sandbox they soon ran off to the swings together and off they went chasing one another in play and in fun. Whoosh down from the slides and laughing at the top of their lungs as they swang from tree trunks.

Somewhere through the birds chirping, the winds whispering through the perfect morning, or the winding flowing water brooks, I heard my son called out to her name...Abbey!



(The story continues....)

The Day that True Love Died

I recently came across a movie scene that I could not take my heart or soul out of it. I find myself wanting to watch it over and over again in search for a hope to numb my senses. Cold and snowy imageries fill this 33 minutes length story on screen. A father plays with his son in the snow filled cover fields as they converse in smiles and laughthers. Ultimately this is a story about of a father's decision. The film is called "Most" which means bridge in Czech. A simple but beautiful and profound story, MOST quietly stuns my heart. Indeed, this 2003, short film earned an Academy award nomination for best short film and went on to win top prizes at three other film festival. Watch the clip below and let the music inspire you and let the scenes transforms you...

The film depicts a father and son loving each other very much. Stargazing or enjoying tea together, the two are nearly inseparable until...

MOST also lets the viewer see the depravity of some of the train passengers. And, it also depicts new life and new hope to one of the train's most desperate passengers. This beautiful and poignant piece of work evokes questions that no one wants to answer or make because it reaches the very core of a human's heart. As I watched this film, I couldn't help projecting myself in the father's role of enjoying the many moments with my own son and perhaps that's why I try very hard to numb myself.

Search your heart with the extended scene below in it's original sound and ask yourself what would your decision be if you were the father. Observe carefully the faces of the passengers and I can honestly tell you that I will do the exact opposite of what this father did in this scene and I believe that's why I am a fallen being.


What would you do? Would you pull the lever?

Happy Rain Drops - (1000 excuses to sleep with you part II)

It's been only two months since our last trip back home to Asia and our son is still sleeping with us almost every night. It's almost methodical like an alarm clock going off at 2.00am and 5.00am that our son would just sleep-walk wonder in to our bed at those times. I try staying up from time to time to take him back to his own room and only to find that he is in our bed again in the morning. He is a very determined child. I suppose many things that happened to him the last few months may have contributed to him feeling a little bit insecure. Since we moved after we traveled back home, he is once again in a new living environment, which comes with a brand new room, new friends in the neighborhood and a new bat-man bike.

On the other hand, he also lost a few childhood friends whom he grew up with and found out just weeks back that his grandfather is sick.
Perhaps that is quite a bit of stress for an 4.5 year old boy who also begins noticing the difference in his own skin color everytime when he goes to the park and play. He was recently called "that little Chinese boy" by an adorable little blond at the park. --> (Stay tuned for Next post)

It has been a tough few weeks since he learned one of his best friends was moving away to California. At first he didn't really know what that meant or even how far his best friend was moving. He would ask us to just drop him off in California when we headed out to work in the morning. He knew it was further away but not realizing it was about 1700 miles away. He found out later on when he was studying maps with Mommy just how far California is, and to him anywhere that needs flying in order to get to is considered very far. He now no longer wants us to drop him at his friend’s place but has switched to "Daddy, can you find a job in California so that we can move to California...please pleaseeee….”

Finally, Mommy found a great way to smooth his transition through these “traumatic” childhood times by re-channeling his longing with simply pen and paper. Mommy told him if he misses someone, he should write to them. Our little boy finally found the motivation to really put his pencils to work, and when asked what he wanted to write to his friend, without blinking, he quickly said, "I love you," with which Mommy’s response was “errr…..” and a smile (he is writing to another little boy). After a brief awkward moment, Mommy swiftly asked, “you mean ‘I MISS you’ right?” Considering the trend of the educational philosophy in California being so free-minded, it may be good to stick with "I miss you" to avoid future complications. Nonetheless, this is the innocence of a 4.5 old which in nowadays is a real blessing.

Following the lost of his precious friends, our little son found out that his grandpa is sick whom he had grown very close to during his Asia trip. He was diagnosed with cancer. They found tumors in his brain and his chest area. Being a 4.5 year old, he didn't know what that is and didn't really comprehend the severity of it until we told him that grandpa needs to be hospitalized and have surgery. He knew what that means since he's been through it himself just a short eight months ago. He remember all the needle poking, being strapped down to the hospital beds, IV's needles all over his body, around the clock blood work and etc. He would ask us, “is grandpa going to get poked?” And we had to answer him yes. “Where is grandpa sick?” We had to tell him that grandpa has tumor or little rocks in his head that the doctor would need to operate and take it out. His immediate response is “that would hurt grandpa!” and his face would turn from smiles to frown as if he remembers his own ordeal. On the night of the operation, as family we couldn't do much but to pray for the procedure to go well since we are half way around the world apart. As we knelt down by our bedside to pray, our little boy saw us and he approached us and asked, “can I pray too Daddy Mommy?” We told him, “of course son,” and he knelt down between and uttered words that instantly brought tears in our eyes. Here is what he said,

“Dear God, please don't make grandpa hurt. Please make him feel better soon so I can play with him. Please comfort grandma. Please don't make her sad. Please give her peace. In Jesus’ name Amen.”

My son has been reluctant when it comes to praying most of the times, and he often rushes through his prayer with gibberish mumbles. But this was one of the few times he uttered each word clearly and sincerely. He understood that grandpa was hurting and this little guy wanted his grandpa to not experience what he had experience just a short few months back. We were so proud of him and got tears in our eyes. He later turned to mommy and said "Mommy your rain drops are on me…" My son calls tear drops “rain drops.”

We went to sleep very late that night since we were staying up late to wait for the phone call from abroad regarding the result of the operation. Mommy was wandering down the hall and stumbled upon our little boy's room and she found our little boy in bed holding on to a picture frame of grandma and grandpa which was originally put right next to his bed. I immediately issued a flash flood warning……..